Stephanie and I are now well underway on our adventure of being parents of four kids. Larinda will be five this fall, Gabriella will be three in a couple weeks, Macy will be two in August, and Omri is now seven weeks old. Add up their ages and take it times two parents, and we’ve got a combined total of nearly two “parent-decades” worth of experience. OK, so I know it doesn’t work that way, but in the last five years we’ve heard plenty of crazy, entertaining, and ridiculous things come out of our mouths and out of the mouths of our kids.
Owen: Larinda, don’t put your silverware in your cup.
Larinda: Not silverware–underwear!
Owen: Well, don’t put your underwear in your cup either.
Gabriella, on a car ride: Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to poopy! Happy birthday to you!
Larinda, from room during nap time: Raise your hand if you want to play Star Wars.
Stephanie: Girls, go up to your room for nap time.
Gabriella: But we’re not girls, we’re princesses!
Stephanie: Fine! Go up to your magic tower and take a nap!
Larinda at 18 mos. in grocery store: Death to tyrants!!!
Gabriella: Dad, if we were food you would eat us, but if we turned back into people, then you would spit us out!
Larinda, noticing height differences: Mommy, when are you going to be a grownup like daddy?
Gabriella, upon finding Owen upstairs distracted by Facebook: Daddy, are you getting something for mommy…? Mom, he’s not getting something!!!
Owen: Hey, you twerp!
Gabriella: Shh!!! (scowls and points at Omri, asleep)
Owen, to Gabriella and Larinda: Quit playing with your food! (picking up Macy’s spoon) Say aww! (airplane noises)
Kids: We don’t want to ride in the cart!!!
Owen: It’s the Dinosaur Train/the Millennium Falcon/a race car!
Owen:(barreling through the automatic doors at Walmart past the old lady with the stickers) Time tunnel approaching!/Time to make the jump to light speed!/(engine and tire noises!)
Gabriella: We don’t eat poopy, we eat macaroni!
Stephanie: Take that underwear off of your head!
Owen: Gabriella, what do you want for the reward on your potty chart?
Gabriella: Um…a TV!
Gabriella, after hiding a toy under a blanket: I hid the treasure. It’s time to go geocaching!
Larinda, on the way to the zoo: If the lion eats me, that will be yucky!
Gabriella, before Omri’s checkup: You can’t take him [back] to the hospital–we love him!
Owen, in the grocery store: Gabriella, stop licking the cabbage!
Gabriella: I wanna see the frog!
Owen: He’s right there, squished.
Gabriella: Why is he squished?
Owen: Because he was run over by a car.
Gabriella: Why was he run over by a car?
Owen: Because he was playing in the street.
Gabriella: Oh, why was he playing in the street?
Owen: Because he was being naughty and didn’t listen to the mommy frog.
Gabriella: Where’s the mommy frog?
Owen: I don’t know, but this is why mommy and daddy tell you not to play in the street–we don’t want you to get squished by a car.
What lines have you heard from parents and kids? Leave them in the comments below!